My struggle toward motherhood.
I married young, I was 21 years old and always knew myself as the maternal type. I know that some are just not wired this way, but I was. As a little girl I would dream of one day becoming a mom. Two years into marriage and I was desperate. In the months leading up to me going off the pill I had eight, totally unrelated people approach me saying that they had dreamt I was pregnant. After the eighth dream Dylan and I figured this must be God “hinting” that the time was now right for us to leave matters in His hands and start trying for a baby, so we did.
Three very long months of pregnancy tests and ovulation kits went by and I realised something was wrong. I made an appointment with my gynaecologist and discovered I had PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome). Its a condition found in about 10% of all women and is essentially a hormone imbalance that prohibits ovulation. The eggs grow to a certain point and then stop, filling the ovaries with many underdeveloped “follicles” that have failed to burst through the lining of the ovaries. What baffled me was that there was no real explanation for the cause of this and the only solution, according to most doctors, is to go straight onto fertility treatment.
I was desperate and so I launched straight into the medical route advised by my doctor. After two months of scans, artificial hormones, mood swings and shattered hopes I decided to head to a fertility specialist. The specialist immediately sent me for a “laparoscopy”. I had my fallopian tubes flushed and underwent a procedure known as “ovarian drilling” where they use a lazer to drill tiny holes through my ovaries in an attempt to alter hormone levels and get me to ovulate. After this procedure I was required to go back onto the hormonal treatment that was previously prescribed by my original doctor.
I had no peace, dealing with the symptom and not the root cause did not sit well with me. I knew that surely if my body was not able to create life then I needed to do whatever it took to get it to a place of health in order for it to work as it should. It was then that I started to explore “The Natural Way”. I was given a book called “Perfect Health, The Natural Way” by Mary Ann Shearer. This book changed my life. In a future post I will talk more about Mary Anne’s 5 key guidlines toward perfect health. Not only did I read this book, I read many. I became a little obsessive in my pursuit of “perfect health”.
In this journey I chose not to ask the question “why me”, I chose to hold onto to every promise spoken over me in the word of God and to wait patiently for him to act. His word says that he longs to lavish good gifts upon his children. Often I felt like Hannah in the book of 1 Samuel 1:9-12 who cried out to God in deep anguish, pleading for a child like a crazy woman. Hannah promised God that if He would bless her with a child, she would give the child back to God. I too made this promise and hung onto every word promising fruitfulness of the womb. If someone offered prayer, I was the first to raise my hand for prayer.
At our wedding Leanne Nixon James (Dylan’s previous pastors wife) had a word for us from
Psalm 128: 3
“3 Your wife will be like a fruitful vine
within your house;
your children will be like olive shoots
around your table.”
This word was an anchor to my soul and for almost two years I struggled through, clinging to every word God said, hoping that one day I would fall pregnant.
Eventually, I decided that I would go back to the medical route after having made every possible lifestyle and healthy eating change I could. I decided to give clomid another go.
I remember the day like it was yesterday. I was standing in my office, the clinic sister called, my hands shook but I kept my composure. She happily announced the news -I was pregnant! I fell to the floor in a heap of tears and thanked God with every part of my being. Two years of anguish was now over!
On the 9th of June 2011 Mila Grace Cherry graced us with her presence. Her enormous eyes and the most perfect pouted lips melted our hearts. She was the perfect baby everyone had prayed for. God is faithful, He hears our every cry.
Mila was twelve months old when we decided to go the fertility treatment route again and try for a second baby. We were elated when we discovered that it worked immediately. At 9 weeks we went for our first scan only to discover that there was no heart beat. Our baby had lived to 7 weeks and had stopped growing. My doctor booked me in for a D&C. Devastation and grief overwhelmed me, I was confused and angry. Would I have to walk another two year journey of longing for a baby?
After going through the trauma of a miscarriage we decided not to rush into trying for a baby and focus on Mila. Low and behold, four months later I discovered I was pregnant. It happened naturally.
Samuel Ethan Murray Cherry came into the world on my dad, Murray Wright’s birthday, the 26th of September 2013.
I do hope that in time to come, there will be more to this story as Dylan and I see ourselves with more than two children.
Psalm 127: 3
3 Children are a heritage from the Lord,
offspring a reward from him.
4 Like arrows in the hands of a warrior
are children born in one’s youth.
5 Blessed is the man
whose quiver is full of them.