5 ways to pass the “Seven Year Itch”.

So yesterday was our eight year wedding anniversary.  We survived the “seven year itch”.  This is a term used by psychologists and portrayed in the 1955 romantic comedy, “The Seven Year Itch”, featuring Marilyn Monroe and Richard Sherman.  The movie contains one of the most iconic images of the 20th century – Monroe standing on a subway grate as her white dress is blown by a passing train. The phrase, refers to a declining interest in a monogamous relationship after seven years of marriage.

As I think back over the past eight years, I believe it is choices that have led us to where we are today.  My marriage is by no means perfect (especially whilst Dylan is studying his MBA aka “the divorce coarse”) but one thing I do know is that being in love with my man is a daily decision.   Perhaps you are a newly wed, or you are going onto seven years of marriage, maybe you are divorced or aren’t yet married at all?  Wherever you find yourself on your journey toward love, my hope is that these words might inspire you to keep going, to hold on, to choose love, to choose life…together.

1. My mind- a war zone of fantasy

The power of the mind is immeasurable.  It’s like a war zone.  Unless you are armed and ready for the thoughts that come to ambush you, you will more than likely be defeated.  The result is dwindling pleasure and mutual fulfilment within marriage or worst case scenario, divorce .

Many of us have had past romances.  Relationships with people whether long term or short, have a lasting impact on us whether we like it or not.  We cannot help but carry pieces of our past into the future- call it what you will but this is “baggage”.  My constant challenge to myself is to choose life in the area of my thoughts, to choose to let go of the past especially in those moments when marriage is tough and “the love flame” is more a soldering wick than a burning flame.  When “thoughts of doubt”, or “wondering thoughts” regarding past relationships or even people that showed an interest come to plague- take these thoughts captive and destroy them immediately.

I choose to stare decieving thoughts in the face and then smash them down!  They must GO because if I indulge them I will go on a destructive journey toward brokenness in my marriage.

I believe that an adulterous affair started with a mere thought that became a fantasy, that then progressed into an “itch” and then an action.  The result: utter brokenness.

2.  “Love is not a feeling it’s an act of your will, it’s devotion not emotion”- MIC (a popular Christian rap band in the 90’s)

Love is a choice.  I believe that the term “soul mate” is a false reality.  There is not only one person one can fall in love with.  We choose love.  Love is a verb, it’s patient, its kind, love chooses not to be envious, it chooses not to boast, love chooses not to be proud or rude or to become easily angered.  Love does not  enjoy lies but searches for truth and meaning, for purpose.  Love always trusts, always hopes, it chooses to persevere against all odds.  Love chooses not to fail but to win  (my version of 1 Corinthians 13).  Yes, of coarse we fail to match up to these love qualities on a regular basis but when we slip up, love chooses to fail forward, to dust oneself off and try again.

3.   Be grateful- it’s all about perspective.

I think we often get caught up with ourselves.  Entangled in self pity and constrained by habits of comparing ourselves with others.  My very wise sister in law once said these words, “COMPARE AND DIE”.  This is a statement I have always held onto.  Comparisons kill us on the inside.  I know that I battle to be truly grateful for what I have when I compare my possessions and my husbands qualities and actions with the possessions and husband’s of others.

We are all filled with flaws and so I believe that in marriage we need to choose not to look at eachothers others faults but to rather focus on the good.

“All beautiful you are my darling, there is no flaw in you” needs to be the anthem of our hearts- even though our partner farts in bed sometimes and in seasons of stress may fail to pay us the attention we so long for.  It’s all about choice.

4.  Love and Respect

The bible speaks about how wives are to respect their husbands and husbands are to love their wives.  See it as a circle of “what goes around comes around”.  If a wife affirms and respects her husband (even in moments when he is undeserving of it) he will automatically respond with love and she will then give more respect.  Men and woman have been wired this way and believe me, I have tried this, it works well!  When we as woman nag and complain, bicker and shout- the love tanks we so desperately long for our men to fill will remain empty.

5. Forgive and Forget

Growing up my mom would always say “un-forgiveness is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die”.  We have to choose to forgive ourselves and to forgive others.  Sometimes we have every right to be bitter but “bitter waters defile many”.  Streams of bitterness will flow from the depths of your heart and muddy the pools of the lives that are closest to you -i.e. your husband, your children and the lives that they will one day impact.

I hope that my thoughts will ring true to you and in some way or form help with you never succumb to any “itching”.

Here are a few pics from our wedding day eight years ago.  It was a very happy day, a day filled with promise and purpose.

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Health is Wealth- 5 Wellness Essentials

I am an ardent “healthy” living, clean eating activist. I prefer to feed my family organic, preservative free, additive free, whole and unrefined food.   Natural products, attire and items in general tick the boxes.   I believe it is good to be disciplined but not to beat oneself up when one doesn’t eat exactly how one should- life is too short for that and toddlers are not easy to control.
The 70%/30% rule always applies- eat well 70% of the time and leave the 30% to live a little…

The wellness category of this blog will showcase amazing products and ways of wholesome living I have come to discover.  I will also tell you about my healthy friends the ones that support this way of life.

Here are some snippets of some healthy “must-haves” in the home.

1. Barley Green www.theaimcompanies.com

Aim Barley Life
Aim Barley Life

My children drink it as if it were a sweet delicacy. There are hundreds of health benefits to consuming a whole food supplement but here are some of the benefits and features I can testify to.
– Because it is in juice form the body is easily able to absorb the nutrients. The majority of chemically produced vitamins cannot be absorbed by our bodies and are therefore eliminated into the toilet.
– The product offers unique and powerful plant antioxidants and helps to alkalinise the body therefore balancing hormones and increasing energy whilst building ones immune system.
– I feel way more energetic on BarleyLife. When I don’t take it, my body craves it!
It is definitely an acquired taste. I vomitted the first time I tried it but I pressed through and now I love it.

2. Kombucha (aka Scoby juice according to Mila)
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I grow my own Kombucha. It Aids Digestion and Gut Health. Because it’s naturally fermented with a living colony of bacteria and yeast, Kombucha is a probiotic beverage. This has a myriad of benefits such as improved digestion, fighting candida (harmful yeast) overgrowth, mental clarity, and mood stability.

3. “Perfect Health” the Natural Way by Mary-Ann Shearer http://www.naturalway.co.za

Healthy Kids The Natural Way by Mary-Ann Shearer
Healthy Kids The Natural Way by Mary-Ann Shearer

Mary-Ann Shearer has written a couple of books pertaining to ” Perfect Health, The Natural Way”. What has now become trend, she has been speaking about for almost 30 years. I truly believe that her research is sound and that her guidance is wise. My view on health and wellness was transformed after reading “Perfect Health The Natural Way”. “Healthy Kids” sheds incredible light on issues such as allergies, constant ear infections, tonsillitis and a host of other problems accepted as “normal” childhood ailments.

4. Natures Choice Apple Cider Vinegar http://www.faithful-to-nature.co.za

Raw Unfiltered Apple Cider Vinegar
Raw Unfiltered Apple Cider Vinegar

There are a myriad of benefits of Apple Cider Vinegar which I will touch on in the future. I have a teaspoon in a glass of water about three times a day. The enzymes found in the vinegar have been proven to have weight loss benefits, lower blood sugar levels, kill bacteria and infections, detoxify the body.

5. Lindt- any https://www.facebook.com/LindtChocolateSA

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Here’s where being real comes in.
Let’s be honest, who could live without chocolate every now and again… especially Lindt.
Soon I will post some amazing raw chocolate recipe’s from my friend Cath.

The Firstborn Romance

I am starting this blog about three and a half years after the birth of my firstborn Mila Grace Cherry.   I have shared a little about my struggle toward motherhood and the journey of infertility.  During this time I remember praying with a friend, trusting for a baby one day.  When I finally did fall pregnant she prayed that my little girl would be “perfect”.  I will never forget waiting for Mila to be inspected by the paediatrician at Westville Hospital after having just given birth.  As he moved her little limbs, poked and prodded, he “oohed and ahhed” (I gleamed with pride)- he looked up and said these very words, “Mrs Cherry, this little girl is PERFECT!”.

Here is a sneak peak at the newborn shoot we did with Thea Venter from Tink photography when our little ball of perfection was only two weeks old.

 

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