This was the state I was in two months ago, I was “knocked up” and down (both at the same time)! This is the reason it has been two months since I have had the strength and capacity to write.
It’s incredible what being so sick, never mind pregnant and unable to medicate myself with anything other than panado (does nothing), can do to ones energy and frame of mind. It’s taken me over a month to recover but I’m pleased to say that I’m back! I would like to share my thoughts on what my “winter season” has taught me and hopefully inspire you acknowledge the season you are in without allowing your physical and emotional state to govern your actions and life-decisions.
At this time I felt weak, emotional, self-absorbed and downright pitiful, in spite of the fact that I had just received the most incredible news of a miracle growing inside of me. I began to question where I was at in terms of running my business as well as my capacity as a mother who longed for rest. I felt overwhelmed with the responsibilities I had to face with a husband who is not around at the moment (studying an MBA). I was on the brink of complete burn out when all I needed to do was lift my eyes to heaven and “weather the storm”.
Four things I learnt that I should and should not do in “winter”:
1. I should avoid making life-altering decisions that could drastically change my coarse- the fog of my emotions can lead me off course.
2. Avoid “venting” and complaining, it causes distress and confusion for myself and those around me.
3. Cover myself in a blanket of prayer.
4. I should make time for rest (something I am terrible at doing), after all it’s great to “sleep in” when the wind is howling outside.
As I look back I am reminded of Psalm 84: 5-6 that speaks about “passing through the Valley of Baka”. The Valley of Baka is the valley of tears. It’s the valley we go through that is characterised by fear, doubt, depression and weakness, this scripture gives a new perspective on what we should do when in this place.
5What joy for those whose strength comes from the LORD,
who have set their minds on a journey with God.
it will become a place of refreshing springs.
The autumn rains will clothe it with blessings.
7They will continue to grow stronger,
and each of them will appear before God.
In John 16:33 it says, “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”
The reality for me is that when I look to myself as apposed to God I become disillusioned, I lose perspective and all contentment disappears in my futile striving for something “better”. It’s in these seasons that we see people let go of their marriages, start adopting self-destructive habits in attempt to gain momentary pleasure, let go of God-given gifts and talents as well as opportunities. It’s when we allow the winter season to overcome us that we live for the now without the understanding that “this too shall pass” and that summer will come. We attempt to take control, to “fix the problem” rather that merely surrender to a God who loves us and longs to take us by the hand and reassure us that He overcame it all for us.
There’s a story in Matthew 8:26 that applies to this very state we get ourselves into: verse 23 “Then he got into the boat and his disciples followed him. 24 Suddenly a furious storm came up on the lake, so that the waves swept over the boat. But Jesus was sleeping (what the heck?). 25 The disciples went and woke him, saying, “Lord, save us! We’re going to drown!”(I can relate to this fear of drowning) 26 He replied, “You of little faith, why are you so afraid ?” Then he got up and rebuked the winds and the waves, and it was completely calm. (Jesus is the one who made it calm)
Im pleased to say that my winter has now passed and life is good. I have a protruding belly and bum (they get really big the third time around), a holiday booked in December, a great business, a loving marriage and two beautiful children. I have never felt so full of contentment and vigour. When I close my eyes and think of Jesus, I see his smile. The storm did pass and I am stronger for it.
May your valley’s become a refreshing spring and may you be strong.
He is good.